


Tales of Evelyn Trevelyan: Banter

by insideofadog



Series: Dragon Age Nonsense [5]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Banter, F/M, Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 14:18:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5166971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insideofadog/pseuds/insideofadog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just some small banter fluffies I wrote for a prompt on Tumblr. Thought I'd share while I continue to be uninspired and lame.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tales of Evelyn Trevelyan: Banter

**Alistair:** So I understand that you have a soft spot for Templars.

**Evelyn:** Their service is welcome in the Inquisition, as is anyone’s.

**Alistair:** An unusual attitude for a mage, wouldn’t you say?

**Evelyn** : I find that mages and Templars have more in common than some might think.

**Alistair:** I absolutely agree! For one, both seem to have an absolute abhorrence for wearing any form of pants!

**Evelyn** : Long-term proximity to magical energy can actually increase the overall body temperature of those exposed, mage or no. Proper ventilation can avert potentially life-threatening heatstroke.

**Alistair:** Fascinating! That explains why a certain pants-wearing former Templar I know is always about to swoon in your presence. At least, it would, if you weren’t lying through your teeth.

**Evelyn:** True.

* * *

 

 

**Blackwall:** I thought you might have recognized some of the mages at Redcliffe.

**Evelyn:** I did, but the work I did with the Templars earned me few friends at Ostwick.

**Blackwall:** And when you showed up to rescue them from their own poor decisions…

**Evelyn:** Indeed. Some people appear to be exceedingly unhappy about having needed help.

**Blackwall:** _(chuckles)_ I’ve noticed this myself. As soon as you save them, that’s when the complaining begins.

**Evelyn:** I’ve already received a strongly worded letter.

* * *

 

 

**Isabela:**  Varric told me a scandalous rumor about you, Inquisitor. Is it true?

**Evelyn** : I have found that only a small number of the rumors about me are true–I’d estimate about a quarter, and that’s generous.

**Evelyn:**  I was spotted doing something anatomically impossible with a feather duster on the roof of Skyhold with a man named Philip, for example.

**Isabela:**  Oh, that one’s not true? Shame.

_(if Blackwall is in the party)_

**Evelyn:**  There was talk about me partaking in amorous activity with Blackwall on the back of horse.

**Blackwall:**  What? No!

_(if Sera is in the party)_

**Evelyn:**  After Sera ordered a box of very expensive imported bananas, there was talk that I was using them inappropriately with her.

**Sera:**   _(laughs)_  Put ‘em on the steps. Lord Fancyarse fell right on his fancy arse.

_(if Dorian is in the party)_

**Evelyn:** One of the servants swears she saw me locked in embrace with Dorian in the library.

**Dorian:**  ( _sighs)_  I was helping her fetch a book and her braid got stuck to one of my buckles. It’s the price I pay for dressing so fashionably.

_(if Varric is in the party)_

**Evelyn** : Evidently, Varric’s next book is going to be about my torrid affair with him and Hawke.

**Varric:** _(laughs)_ Well, now that the surprise is ruined, it’s not.

_(if Solas is in the party)_

**Evelyn:**  It’s believed I was seen dancing naked beneath the full moon last week with Solas.

**Solas** : Absurd. The weather has been far too cold for such activities.

_(if Cassandra or Iron Bull are in the party)_

**Evelyn:**  Rumor is, every time I kill a dragon, I celebrate with Iron Bull and Cassandra. I hear there are a lot of ropes involved.

**Iron Bull:**  Hey, don’t look at me. You’re the ones who said no.

**Cassandra:**   _(disgusted noise)_

**Evelyn:** And then there was that odd fistfight-and-sex thing that spilled out into the courtyard from the Herald’s Rest last week. The one I did not participate in.

**Isabela:**  That’s a shame–I haven’t had that much fun in weeks.

**Isabela:**  So if none of those are true, I suppose you’re also not having a torrid affair with the untouchable Commander Cullen?

**Evelyn:**  Oh, no. That one’s true.

* * *

 

 

**Liam:** Stay away from me, you creepy thing.

**Bog Unicorn:** _(rattles)_

**Liam:** Only a mage would dream up something as horrible as you.

**Bog Unicorn:** _(creaks)_

**Liam:** And that sword through your head. At least someone had the good sense to try to put you out of your misery.

**Bog Unicorn:** _(wheezes)_

**Liam:** That’s–-actually, that’s not a bad blade you have there. Silverite, isn’t it?

**Bog Unicorn:** _(pleased rustle)_

 


End file.
